Sunday, January 01, 2006

gamet jantan vs gamet betina

i have always believe that a man can befriends a woman without much problem. as long as we know who and where we are, and we are being honest. we only have to compromise and understand each other in the relationship.

platonic relationship maybe? not to that point for me. it was.( 4 years ago). but not now. not anymore.

i always put my wife and family as numero uno. top priority. can't someone understand that?
why would an old friend (or best friend as she describe) still have problem with this? i really tot this is a common understanding between us.

i'm a type of people who highly value friendship. however my wife is not keen for me to maintain the same friendship with this particular woman (i understand her jealousy..berasas la jugak. my friend ni is single mingle and intelligent. eventhough i have reason out with her, she is still not comfortable with my relationship with my friend ni. tapi takde la sampai dia melarang)

tapi..susah la nak lupakan member baik. my wife main reason is simple and undoubtly valid. i once pernah tertarik dgn this woman. tapi kalau my wife paham apa yg i rasa skang, dia tak perlu risau lah. anyway.....

but this friend of mine, despite her understanding in platonic relationship or man&woman as good friends or whatever you call it, she really dissappoint me. deep inside i feel hurt..betrayed..as if she doesn't understand my situation, my limitation, my sacrification, my risk etc. i always tot friends do not remain together...friendship does.

o.k lah, i know that she was angry because she feels that i'm cheating my wife. why can't i make my wife understand? but as mentioned, i couldn't. only for this particular friend, she will not give her 'consent'.

i guess this relationship susah nak continue. May be Allah pun tak berapa suka sbb I'm being a bit liberal in this case. may be i have to draw the line somewhere.

to my friend, if you read this...pls understand that i have nothing against you. nothing. maybe I have to really understand who I am now. I just want to say how i feel.

Thanks for putting me into your bestfriend list. I'm highly honoured because bukan senang nak masuk list tu (according to you lah). and i bukan nak kuar dari list tu, but just to set the expectation right.....

Still friends.......? ;) to me its clear....crystal.
so let's remain kjj - kawan jarak jauh. rest assured , if you need my help, emotionally, intellectually, physically (korang jgn pk bukan2, ni kira macam keta rosak ke, angkat barang ke), economically, i'll do my best to help. my wife pun ok kalau bab tolong menolong ni. ;)

18 comments:

nasik said...

i've been in this kinda situation. the worst part is, kononnya pecah di perut, jgn di mulut... she's the one tht spread the stories around abt how i cheated her n my partner. padahal, at tht time both of us sesama main kayu 3.. hehe.. but then, past is past kan.

abu_harraz said...

hehehe nasik, tx for hopping. by the way, takde pecah apa2 pun. and takde la sampai kayu 3.hehehe..
and..er...which blog are u from?

Anonymous said...

macam nilah....cuba u punyer wife ada that sort of similar relationship with other guy...u suka tak? and another thing the girl u r going out with made a good decision not to be so close...she must be feeling what your wife is feeling since she will be a wife to somebody someday....so think abt it my dear friend

.......ARRA..........

abu_harraz said...

ARRA? ...
Thx for yr comment.
O.k...like this.
I came from a background with so many close grilfriends.
my wife pulak ni tak geng langsung dgn guys before kawin.
ada beza sket lah between my wife kawan baik dgn boy and I kawan baik dgn girls.make sense?

O.k, not that I want to give excuses but I'm actually ok if my wife kawan as in k.a.w.a.n betul2.

And of course I agree with you that she made that decision. BUT...the way she reacted, the emotion behind it, I dont understand. Why must she feel upset?? Bukan ke selama ni pun I dah janji nak maintain our friendship, whatever it takes...
Ntahla...anyway, she has already apologize on her emotional behaviour, in her blog.

Anonymous said...

hahaha....finally you got my attention!!!

Girls have feelings my dear..they have emotions ...they r human afterall.....put yourself in thier shoes and you will also feel the same way....

anyway, she must have her own reason to react as she reacted...maybe the way u treated her as if she is someone special although she knew that you r married...so as u said there are borders between a friendship and relationship.....so don't play with other people feelings and emotions....what goes around comes around my freind....

anyway...nice talking to you....

ARRA

abu_harraz said...

ARRA, mana ada main feeling2 ngan orang..I kno wthe limit lah.
Anyway, slalu2 lah masuk and bagi your comment yang bernas ek..

*siapa lah ARRA ni gamaknye ye*

Anonymous said...

To me platonic relationship exist and it needs both people from that relationship to FULLY understand the meaning of platonic to make it work.

I guess when it comes to honoring your wife's request I think you're thinking straight, and knowing you, there's nothing going on between you and your best friend tu. Like someone close to me once said, whatever it is at the end of the day you still come back to your family....and with that in mind you are right to remain KJJ with the gal.

Hati orang rumah kena jaga, kalau tak nanti she puts on a shitty face greeting you after a long-day at work....haaa, siapa yang sakit jiwa, kan?

abu_harraz said...

setuju!...err..sapa ni? leh tak bagi clue2 sket..
but...bunyi cam kenal aku rapat je?

Anonymous said...

well i think i had the experienced of having a platonic relationship whatever they call them...but its very hard because it involves feelings and emotions...you will always think that you will be professional, no the limits, have the borderline bla bla bla...for me that are reasons just to have the relationship.....

no matter how much u had the understanding between your partners,but when involves feelings and emotions things will always be different..

anyway, its your called since you will face the consequences...bak kata pepatah melayu...berani buat berani tanggung yer mamat....

ARRA...

abu_harraz said...

ARRA, you are right. it requires mutual understanding. without it, susahlah sket.

Anonymous said...

my friend you got me wrong there....pls read again my comments carefully....pls read between the line....mutual understanding will also not work...no matter how perfect your understanding with your partner.... this is emotions and feelings....emotions and feelings are not objective they are very subjective and judgemental...so don't get me wrong my friend....

ARRA

abu_harraz said...

what do you mean emotions and feelings? why must there be emotions and feeling?

for me it is still mutual understanding and respects. it will work. it should. if feeling and emotion exist, then there is no mutual understanding. then it will not work.

and in my case i byk terhutang budi with her. so that's why i value the friendship.

what are you implying ARRA?

interesting viewpoints . i suggest we chat? do you have Yahoo IM? email me at hfhh107@yahoo.com.

Anonymous said...

Hi..I know ARRA.

*RAAR*

abu_harraz said...

suma main anonymous ni...tak besh aa... :)

Nanot said...

I kinda agree with HUCS, when the mutual understanding in platonic relationship exist, then there would not be any emotions or feelings, except for those which rightfully belong to a friend.

To me being a good friend no matter what level it is (best friend ke, acquaintance ke), the ultimate thing s/he should do is to be selfless. There should not be a sense of belonging coz a friend does not own another friend. Once we overcome the feeling of ownership, the selflessness will come.

In this case, I have remained good friends with a lot of my platonic relationships after marriage. Hubby fully understands, and the friends in the platonic relationship also understands. I still go out one-on-one outings with these people for lunch and my hubby knows it. Jealous he maybe but he knows I remain true to him and there's no philandering.

Platonic relationship....possible but very hard to achieve. There's a lot of ground work needs to be done before even contemplating of having one.

Anonymous said...

gd morning ....

well nanot, u r very fortunate that your hubby understands you...but that is not called mutual understanding but more or less tolerance between u and him but mutual understanding is very different in the context of a relationship....u can have a mutual contract agreement ..u can have a mutual bilateral agreement but not mutual relationship agreement......not at all....think abt it....

for me the platonic relationship works between u and ur friends is more on the trust and tolerance between u and your hubby not the mutual relationship between you and your partner....

anyway for my dear friend hucs..
don't give the excuses...like she helped u a lot before this etc....lame excuses....if she is your friend ..this will not be an issue....

ARRA

abu_harraz said...

ARRA,
She became my friend when I was very down. She helped me a lot (not once). I 'learned' to stay confident and brave from her. And that is how we started to develop the relationship. Not giving any excuse but that's the facts.
And it is not lame. It is the most significant thing which I can best relate her to.
You wont understand how she has changed my life, the way I view this world, 5 years ago. How I really understand my self.

I regard her as my friend, and I really don't expect this to surface as an issue at any point of time.

abu_harraz said...

RAAR, you know ARRA? Who is she..err..or he? why is she remain anonymous? suh email tanak. :)